Excerpts from my thesis: "The Phenomenon of Living with Dying in Terminally Ill Cancer Patients..." 2001

LIVING WITH DYING

"It is not really the dying that is hard; dying takes no skill
or understanding. It can be done by anyone.
What is hard is living--living until you die. . . . "
Kübler-Ross (1986)

A young nurse who was dying wrote, "The dying patient is not yet seen as a person and communicated with as such. He is a symbol of what every human fears and what we each know, that we too must someday face. . . . But for me, fear is today and dying is now.” (cited in Kübler-Ross, 1986, pp. 25-26). Her essay, Death in First Person, is addressed to fellow nurses who are caring for her. To them she says: Is it because I am a student nurse myself, or just a human being, that I sense your fright? And your fears enhance mine. Why are you afraid? I am the one dying. I know you feel insecure, don't know what to say, don't know what to do. But please believe me, if you care you can't go wrong. Just admit that you care. That is really for what we search. We may ask for whys and wherefores, but we don't really expect answers. Don't run away—wait—all I want to know is that there will be someone to hold my hand when I need it. I am afraid. Death may get to be a routine to you, but it is new to me. You may not see me as unique, but I have never died before. To me that's pretty unique. . . I have lots I wish we could talk about. It would not take much more of your time. If only we could be honest, both admit of our fears, touch one another and cry together. . . . just person-to-person, then it might not be so hard to die. (p. 25)
This dying nurse expresses eloquently that she simply needs to be cared for as a living human being with hopes and fears; and she seeks to have meaningful, compassionate contact and support so that it might not be so hard to die. As a caregiver herself she empathizes with the fears, discomfort, and insecurity of her caregivers and eases their concerns about responding to her questions and doubts. She emphasizes that it is just the caring, being present and sincere that is essential.